Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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