im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
