fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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