the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
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i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
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I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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