Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
