that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
