Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
