is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This is classic penis vs brain.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
