Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
