I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
