'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am mentally ready for anal.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
