Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
