god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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