oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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