My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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