I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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