he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is Oprah even human
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize