I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
