I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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