You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
