Your mouth is God's brothel.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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