this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
