Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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