I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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