She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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