I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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