He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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