She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
