Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
