Umm I'm too high to move.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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