there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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