A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
