i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
