Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
