you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it because I queefed?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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