I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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