OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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