I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
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I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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