i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
