Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
