There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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