so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
