Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
