sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
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