What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
