plz talk dirty to me
wakey wakey hands off snakey
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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