Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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