I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
