You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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