laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
