Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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