don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
