in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I believe in your delicious
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
