dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
