BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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