im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
