You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm too high and old for this...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
