Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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