Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
