Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
