we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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