pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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