gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
3pm strippers are depressing
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
