You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
