dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
