we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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