so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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