Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
