The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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