YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
