I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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