Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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