yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
