just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
