They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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