1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
