No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
this just has baby written all over it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
