One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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