oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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