mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
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In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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