I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you didnt know i had herpes?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
