How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
