I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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