we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
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False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize